joke (i thought it was funny)

[Worzel]

An octopus walks into a bar and sez, 'I can play any instrument'
And he sits down at the piano and plays like Elton John.
This bloke sez, 'can you play the guitar?'
The octopus sez, 'course I can' and he grabs the guitar and plays like Jimmi Hendrix!
Then this Scot sez, 'Here, bet you can't play these bagpipes!'
The octopus sez, 'course I can!'
But he struggled and struggled.
The Scot said 'Ye cannae play em can ye?'
The octopus sez, 'Play em? I'm gonna shag em when I get these pyjamas off!'
__________________

[wendyh]

 

[rossie]

THIS IS CRUDE

A dwarf walks into a bar, and to get to the counter walks between a tall blondes legs, for his trouble, he gets a clit around the ear and a flap across the face

[John Abbott]

 

[ozconvict]

 

[weasil]

pure gold

[BlackBedford]

My mate was telling me that his hot girlfriend is actually a porn star,
"How does she handle that?" I asked.

"She doesn't know yet"

[mezzmo]

Two cannibals catch a Clown and cook him up for dinner, during the meal one cannibal looks to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?"

[BlackBedford]

"Does this taste funny to you?"

That's Tasteless. Try this...

This old dero staggers into a pub and the barmaid immediately told him to get out. The dero said that he would only leave if the barmaid gave him a toothpick. The barman, thinking this was a fair exchange, gladly gave the man a toothpick and watched him stagger back outside.


A minute later another old dero walked into the pub and got asked to leave by the barmaid. This drunk also demanded a toothpick if he was to leave quietly. There had been no trouble the first time so, once again, the barmaid obliged and the old dero quietly left.

Soon after, a third dero came into the pub and without hesitation the barmaid offered him a toothpick to leave. This time though the dero turned her down and said he would only leave if the barmaid gave him a drinking straw.

Curiosity finally got the better of the barmaid and she asked the old dero why he wanted a drinking straw when the other two deros had asked for toothpicks.
The wino said "Well, someone was sick outside and all the good bits have gone now!"

[hotrod]

A Scotsman is caught by the police having sex with a cat
they arrest and charge him but when it goes to court the judge throws it out straight away
when asked why he replied "who ever heard of a Scotsman putting anything into a Kitty"